charm is deceitful

...charm is deceitful and beauty is fleeting...

And we know how the story goes. The woman who fears the Lord shall be praised. If you are like me, you are accustomed to being the third wheel. Sometimes the fifth wheel. You gave up hopes of a great, non-platonic relationship some time ago. After being passed over for prettier, smarter, more charming friends, you've come to understand that the rules of fairness do not apply to you. Fairness is an illusion and does not exist in matters of the heart.

My mind and my heart are in constant competition. I know that I have little control over my future. I know that there is nothing that can be done about who I am and that even less can be done about who will come to love who I am. I know that God has a plan and that trusting in that plan will save me from my mental dissension. But I feel small. I feel invisible. I feel undeserving.

How vast is the grace of God that he might extend hope to me? I am small. I am undeserving. I am invisible to the world. But God sees me. The God who can see everything sees me. More importantly, he loves me. And as a woman who desperately wants to fear God, nothing else could be of more value than that fact.