i am mara

...call me Mara because the Almighty has made my life very bitter...

The important question is not how, but why. If I do not ask why, my life will remain senseless. I won't deny that God brought bitterness into my life, even misfortune. But that fact means nothing if I do not know why. Or do I already know...

There should be great joy in my findings. God has an ironic grip on my life. He may let them live in foolish happiness, but His wisdom leaves me in misery. He won't let me rest. But I cannot ask for rest because I know better; I want more. And in wanting more, my heart grows sick.

My mind is caught in a flurry of madness. Girls raised in a bubble are supposed to be protected, sheltered, comforted. In reality they are haunted. No one expects them to know anything aside from what they have been fed. That first ounce of real knowledge is like venom. Even after being healed, you can still feel the phantom weakness in your body. Some type of pseudo-strength keeps you from understanding how weak you truly are.